之前已经和各位童鞋们分享过“如何3步攻略写作这位高冷女神”了，宝典在手，天下我有!现在我们拿出一位之前收到的童鞋的大作来给大家具体分析一下文章中出现的问题点所在，做出托福独立写作思路分析，大家可以举一反三，看看自己的文章中是否也存在着这样的问题，希望这能给正在备考托福写作的同学带来帮助。
题目：In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.
第一步：思路展开，列举分论点。
第二步：论证展开，解释分论点。
第三步：论述展开，语言表达运用
思路分析1
同意：In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.
论点1
论点：生活节奏快，工作量大，需要行事快速才能完成大量工作。
论据：当今社会人们的工作量越来越多，甚至有兼职，那么必须要有一定的工作速度，否则会完不成任务。
论点2
论点：只有冒一定风险，才能获得成功。
论据：只有冒一定风险，才能在平庸之中脱颖而出，有所成就，否则一直没有发展。
论点3
论点：做事慢，并不必然无错，不如快速高效做事可以留时间改正。
论据：很多情况下，即使想确保无误，但是也会出现错误，规定期间内既完不成任务，也出现了错误。得不偿失。
不同意：In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.
论点1
论点：欲速则错误，错误则延误。
论据：欲速则不达，往往在赶着做事情的时候，会出现错误，有时候一项工作某个环节出现错误，可能需要从头再来，反而耽误整个工作的进程
论点2
论点：谨小慎微的做事风格更能受到领导的赏识。
论据：确保把事情做对是一种职业精神，会受到领导赏识，得到职位升迁。而冒险，匆匆行事，可能会导致错误不断，可能会被炒鱿鱼。
论点3
论点：有条不紊的做事对我们的身心有好处。
论据：由于人们工作压力大，工作多，匆忙做事，对我们的身体会产生不良影响。
学生作文批改和问题分析：
In the contemporary society, people always face large number of works. Working quickly could save much time but it also could produce lots of errors and mistakes. Most mistakes can not to be acceptable in certain context, so I agree that people should decline working speed in order to ensure the accuracy.
Introduction段在进行写作的时候3句话即可：
背景句(引入主题)+题目句(改写题目)+立场句(表明观点)
修改后：It's commonly accepted that both efficiency and accuracy are of great importance for people's work. 【背景句引入主题】However, opinions are diversified about the pattern of work: Whether people should work quickly and risk making mistakes or work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. 【题目句改写题目】From my point of view, I prefer to work slowly with fewer mistakes. 【立场句表明观点】
First, a tiny error has much possibility to result in severe consequences. So, some errors can’t be acceptable under certain circumstance. In the hospital, surgeons always need have huge sense of responsibility because it is so dangerous that have an operation for patients, every step should be careful and precise during the process. Otherwise, little mistakes have big influence on patients’ health, even can endanger their life. So, fast working is not available in the hospital concerning the high rate of making mistakes.
Body段第1个分论点想的很到位很好，有些错误在特定的情况下是不能被接受的，举例论证指出比如在医院手术中，很微小的错误也有可能造成很严重的后果。修改后：Some jobs we must be careful about the lots of details. There are some works which need more attention because of being so sensitive. In fact, a small mistake or blunder might cause indispensable costs and serious dangers. For example, like the work as to experiments or surgeons. Those works with the smallest flaw can spoil the whole of effort and attempt. Therefore, we should be more observant of some work even in the modern life with majestic technology.
Second, most people prefer to work in the fast pace for the purpose of saving time. But, more mistakes will be produce because of their careless and oversight, and more mistakes always result in low efficiency. Our boss cannot endure the finishing mission with large number of error, so we should review the whole process and revise the mistakes, it will take much longer time than working slowly with the less mistakes. For example, designing programs needs high logic level. If there is a simple error in any place of program, the whole program cannot run in a right condition. As we all know， most software that we use every day has thousands of programs, and thousands of sentences need to be used to establish programs. So, if software don’t have right function, it is so troublesome to find the problem. Working slowly and eliminate the error could save our time and energy.
Body第2段在举例和论证上存在问题，这个分论点论证的是：做得快，导致的错误还要花费时间纠正，这样远比认真慢慢做花的时间多很多。举例则没有详细指出花费时间更多这个弊端。
修改后：I took accounting in my third year of university, and most assignments requested us to complete balance sheets which consisted of several procedures. If one step was calculated wrong, then the following would be wrong as well. Once the sheet turned out to be unbalanced, I had to go back to check every step once again which would consume quite a lot of time. Therefore, the time cost to correct those mistakes was much more than that to complete the assignment. In general, it helps me to be more effective if I work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. As the old saying goes, more haste, less speed.
Third, in the world, establishing authentic studies and theories always need lots of experiments to testify it. The process usually takes a long time and need researchers to be patient. Few mistakes also can make the theories be useless. For example, Darwin presents his theory of evolution by plenty of experiments and massive database. He examines any aspect of his theory by various experiments and patient collects all useful data. It takes large amount of time and energy, but owe to his patient work and sense of preciseness, no one could find any mistakes in his theory and process of demonstrate to contradict.
Body第3段修改后：Accuracy is considered as the representative of professionalism. A proposal with few mistakes not only shows a person’s expertise but also displays his attitude toward work. Only by fully concentrating on what he is doing can he produce a good performance at work. As a result, employees with attentive attitude can always get promotion and awards from their employers. When I was working as an accountant in a bank, my colleague was just the type of person who works fast but inaccurately. He made small mistakes now and then, for instance, sending emails to the wrong recipients, thus leaving others an impression of unreliability. In contrast, I was more careful and detail-driven. I felt confident for each project I’m in charge of because I can promise they were free of mistakes. The supervisor got very satisfied with my work and gave me a high evaluation at the end of the year.
In a word, reducing the errors in our work is important for us to save time and energy, to avoid causing severe consequences and to establish thorough theories. One should not tend to emphasis speed at the expense of correctness or accuracy.
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